You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
