how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Randomize