Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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