Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
