I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
