I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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