dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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