Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
