Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
