U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
its not stalking. its research.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
