did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
