I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Randomize
