im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
