Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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