we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
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Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
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So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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