Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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