I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
