Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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