Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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