Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Just took my morning after pill in the library
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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