My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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