Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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