Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
