What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
