Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
