Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
