boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
