We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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