Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Randomize
