thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
