Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
