the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
