I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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