I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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