I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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