Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
im holly from the hills drunk
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
