Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
