My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
We need to rekindle our bromance
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
