You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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