note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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