if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I have tasted many bathrooms
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
