i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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