woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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