Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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