I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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