one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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