Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
