I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
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After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
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all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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