I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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