You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
