evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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