i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize