she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
