I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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