Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
