i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
