Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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