these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
