Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
