How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
