I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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