i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
