Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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