Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
