Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
