please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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