cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
