dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
