We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
