Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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