i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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